7 memoriae.

“Lessons in life will be repeated until they are learned.”

We all generally live our lives pursuing almost the same routine. We’d wake up, take a bath, eat breakfast, do chores, sleep, etc. We’d go to school from elementary up to high school, and then go to college, and go to work. But one thing I realized is that we won’t ever stop learning.

Perceiving things in life comes a lot from how you grow up and “learn” how to see the world. For instance, we could perceive “blue” as something totally different from each of our own eyes. We happened to call it blue just because we were told so that the color is from the beginning. Perhaps, if you could see my “blue” through my eyes, you’d see a totally different color.

Feelings and emotions play a huge part in our journey of endlessly learning in life. It’s not something exact, there are no definite answers to many problems, and no textbook exists on how to fix A, B, C, or D. Feelings are the ink, while emotions are the painting, and it creates an abstract. No one will truly understand it completely except for the painter itself.

Personally, feelings have had a huge impact on how my life went. Many stories and lessons were born from their existence alone. Comedies and tragedies happened due to both the existence and the absence of that miracle.

To feel is to be human. They said, “people would forget what you said, but they won’t forget how you made them feel.” It’s so attached to human lives and it already became part of our lives too, from doing basic routines to relationships with other people.

When I was asked, “where do you get the most of your life lessons?” I’d say, memories. I didn’t mean memories as something you remember like the physics formula to solve Newton’s Law, but something that I experienced in life which became something very memorable due to the volume of feelings I experienced in those moments. It’s mixed. Some are as joyful as watching a landscape with bright sun and clear skies, and some are as hurtful as losing part of yourself.

Many came from the not-so-good memories, but I managed to pick up lessons from the good ones too. It may sound cliche, but most of them were due to heartbreaks, betrayals, disappointments, and things along those lines. Yes, some had to learn the hard way.

It wasn’t something that I foresaw. It came from the worst possible moments. As if, just when you thought something was getting good, life pulled you down to its deepest part. It never was enjoyable in the slightest, feeling anxious for every thought you have in your head, the scenario you made with the foundation of fears, and the questions you’ve been asking yourself — what did I do wrong?

As someone with a very high sentiment of memories, even seeing a triggering scenery could make me burst into tears. Hearing sounds of songs from the past could tighten my chest, and reading one exact particular line of words would freeze me. But then again, I’d still cherish the memory. It is, after all, something that made me who I am today.

I came to realize I’ve made many changes and adjustments to my life. I’m here to share some of it, maybe as something that possibly helps, a little reminder, or just a particular read. It’s purely personal, so don’t mind if you won’t read it all the way.

1. Be yourself

In these days and age, it’s so easy to feel threatened by social prejudices. Personally, I feel like some of my perspective almost (or has been) swayed by what I saw on social media. The environment where you could see “Things not to do in life!” almost 5 times in a day within your timeline and feeling like “Oh no! One of my traits is in the article!” or even as simple as your friend ranting in social media about how she/he quips about someone’s trait and it made you feel like it’s about you.

Everyone wants you to be somebody else and the hardest thing to do is be yourself.

Pretending to be someone else will only make it worse in the long run. Don’t act like you’re happy if deep inside, you’re not. You don’t have to force yourself to train and be good at sports just because your crush likes athletic men. You don’t have to force yourself to wear a dress and high heels in front of your partner. Being yourself is not a crime. Faking as someone is.

2. It’s not a time management problem. It’s a priority management

Yes, we all have limited time, and none can it be rewind. Planning ahead of time is important, to sort of how you want to do stuff. For all things we want to do, we always have time for. It’s just that usually it clashes when we want to do many things at once, and none of it is finished.

The priority separates what to do first, what you’re willing to spend most of your time on, and how you want to make the most out of it. People may have different priorities and that’s fine. You may want to put your resting time as something important, and others may perceive a task as something to immediately finish.

Again, we all will always have time to do something, but it’s limited. Use it wisely, prioritize those that are the most important to you, those you can’t afford to lose. Remember, you’re not the only one with limited time, they also do. They may wait, but perhaps not forever.

3. Be honest

This goes with how you act, what you say, and what you feel. No one likes being deceived. Trust isn’t something to be taken lightly. It’s something built with patience, but it can be destroyed in an instant, and it could snowball and ruin more things. Everyone deserves to be told the truth.

4. Communicate

On the other hand of the previous point, be honest with what you feel. Not everyone is a mind reader and you can’t expect someone to understand you just from saying “I’m okay” when you’re not. If you want to know something, ask. If you want to tell something, say. I know, it may not be easy, it could come with many considerations (and sometimes overthinking) of what you said, but everything can be said if you communicate it properly and sincerely.

If you’re feeling angry and you don’t want your words to hurt, take your time. If you’re feeling uncertain that your words may cause conflicts, think clearly first. Don’t let things go unsaid if you’re going to regret it later.

5. Appreciate

If you knew success was a certainty, what attempt would you do? Sadly, the world doesn’t operate like that. But it is what gives value to effort. It’s not easy to commit and spend energy and time on something, because of that uncertainty. But still, no matter how small or big, it deserves to be appreciated.

The worst feeling is having your effort was told as something wasted. I know, it sucks when your effort doesn’t bore fruit, but it’s more heartbreaking when your effort doesn’t get the amount of appreciation when you spend a huge of energy and time on it.

On the other hand, appreciate those around you. You never know what ‘once in a lifetime’ chances are actually in front of you.

Don’t take anything for granted.

6. Some things aren’t meant for you.

And that’s totally okay. You don't have to be good at math if you have another passion. You don't have to actively partake in an event just because your friends do. You don’t have to be good at every aspect of life. Rather, you could spend your energy doing things you genuinely enjoy and thrive.

Don’t rush things. Don’t drink poison just because you’re thirsty. Don’t get occupied by a single leaf. What’s meant for you will come back for you.

When things didn’t go your way, it’s important to take a step back and look at the big picture. It doesn’t always have to be your way. It could be for the greater good and it’s okay to accept it. Don’t let your ego ruin your most precious things.

7. All feelings are valid.

As someone who experienced many rollercoasters of emotions, I used to think if I had been feeling emotions that shouldn’t be felt at that time. Some external factors also made me unable to express some of it because it is deemed to be “bad” and shouldn’t have happened.

But it’s okay to feel what you feel. No one should ever tell you what to feel. Don’t feel bad for feeling bad. If you happen to question what you feel, you should be asking what made you question it in the first place.

There’s no end to learning in life. I may not remember all of them but I hope it can help or remind us in a way. I hope we all could enjoy the journey of our lives, and scribe the best stories of our own. One day, let that story be something we’re proud of; no regrets. So, let’s keep it for another time.

and to be sure to savor every moment,

to tell people how much you love them,

and to never take anything for granted.

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semoga kaki senantiasa dikuatkan untuk berdiri dan melangkah lagi.

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